Baby Boy Thoughts

This is about the time in my pregnancy when I feel like its the end of the world if things don't go just my way. I get depressed every time I see my self in the mirror. Cry when Mac even looks at me wrong, All I wanna do Is take a sleeping pill and sleep for the next 2 1/2 months. I think my friends and family are ready for me to do that too.

But man! I'm so anxious to meet this baby boy! I'm 28 weeks and starting to feel like I'm on the home streach. November 10th, not too far away. I just need to get through August till it starts cooling down. Summer Sucks! I'm so over it! Aslo, l'm feeling extremely large. My first trimester I always feel the worst physically, but in my third trimester I feel the worst mentally. Definitely a little unstable.  My Doctor keeps telling me he will induce me a week early as long as everything is looking ok with baby boy, so I'm hoping to have him on the 4th? Mac keeps telling me how unhealthy that is. He gets so annoyed when I plan on having my babies on dates they're not due haha.  He's probably right.

The closer my due date gets the more anxious, nervous, emotional, but excited. Anxiety and fear that I'm not ready for 2 kids. Nervous for the delivery. Even though with Bostyn nothing could have gone smoother, I still worry about complications when he arrives. Emotional because, like I've said in other posts, the support we've received, and tender mercies we've experienced have been overwhelming. We will never be able to fully pay back what some people have given us.

The first few weeks of finding out that our son would have his birth defects, it was really hard going into baby stores, and looking at baby things or anything related. I would just break down and cry, because it was just all still so fresh, and I was still super fragile about it all. Since then, its gotten better, time goes on and I get more confident and less sad. But the other night Mac and I were shopping at the mall and I saw some baby boy clothes through a window and just got that wave of  fear and emotions back in me. Then Mac whispered from a cross the shoe store and lead my attention over to a little boy (maybe 4 or 5 years old) who was walking down the isles looking at shoes. He was THE CUTEST little boy who was with his two big brothers. He had a cleft lip. I just wanted to go up to him and give him a big hug and just hold him. I know I sound like a creeper but, Its in those little moments that my fear goes away, I don't feel sorry for my self or want to cry. I feel so excited and so lucky. I get to have two cleft lovies in my life :) We wanted to talk to the family but they disappeared out of the store right after that. They had no idea and will probably never know that by being in a shoe store on a Friday night,  it had an impact on another mom and dad. Just the sight of this little boy made me so happy, and just reminded me how lucky we are.
I'm ready to meet him! I literally have nothing ready for him, no boy stuff at all, but that will come later.  I don't know how to do boys but I'll figure it out. The last 2 1/2 years of my life have been nothing but pink, hair,  nail polish and princess, but I'm excited now for pirates and all things boy.